One of my major goals that came mid 2019 is to be my authentic self and not worry about others’ opinions. Being a good mother is something that is very important to me. I want to prepare my teens for adulthood. What’s important for me is that they are happy adults with little regret.
In the last few years, my daughter has gone through a defiant and rebellious phase. It has been a very difficult time that has made me feel stressed and sad. All around me, people gave me their opinions and would frown when I seemed hesitant to follow them. This came from the schools, therapists, doctors, family, courts, etc. As you see, I had many people judging and offering their opinions.
We just got back from our family cruise. The best part about going on vacation is that you are away from your day-to-day life, including the people. When I am away, I tend to really think about my life because I don’t have any distractions. I had already decided that when I returned, I was going to cut my kids off from all the extra stuff that I do for them. Food, shelter, and essential clothing are all that I was going to provide. Other than that, they needed to follow my rules, which are:
- Do well in school
- Do the household chores
- Take care of our pets
- Have part-time jobs
- Be respectful
It’s not too much to ask so it shouldn’t be hard to follow. My daughter decided to tests these rules by leaving the house without permission and not returning when she was told to. Therefore, I suspended her phone line, shut off the Wifi to her phone. Her room was not just messy but to the point that people with Hazmat suits were going to visit us soon. Therefore, I removed the door from her room.
She then decided not to make her therapy and life coach appointments. I decided that at the moment, she was not ready to focus on her mental health. Therapy doesn’t work unless you want it to. I can’t force her to be a participant unless she wants to be. Therefore, I stopped her individual therapy and family therapy. When I have tried to do so in the past, I had people telling me she needed therapy and that I needed to continue paying for these services. I did it because I felt that they knew better than me. The number of no-show fees I’ve had to pay finally told me to stop.
My parents tried to offer their opinions on the matter. I responded that I respected what they were saying to me and thank you for caring enough for offering me their advice, but I am doing what I feel is right. My teens, mainly my daughter, need to realize that they are lucky to have the lifestyle that they have. However, this lifestyle is because I work hard and continue reaching for my dreams. But, when they become adults unless they work as hard, they won’t have the same surroundings they have now.
Parenting is one of the main areas in my life where I have everyone offering their opinions and judging your decisions. There are tons of parenting books, and I continue to read them. However, it doesn’t mean that those parenting books are 100% correct. In the end, it’s what your decision how you parent your children. You will make mistakes, but you will learn from them and continue doing what is best for your children.
I have told both my teens that I love them and will always be here to support them when they ask for help. However, I am no longer going to be as generous as I have been. They need to start getting tidbits of adult life now so they can decide if they want to continue in the path they are on or want to make changes. I will be there to guide them, but it’s their choices and they have to deal with the natural consequences that come from them.
