After waiting a week for my breast biopsy results, I decided to call the Breast Center. The medical staff member confirmed that they had received the results earlier that day. When she said the words, “Good news, they didn’t detect any cancer,” I jumped up and down my chair with excitement. She continued that I would have to do a mammogram in six months instead of a year until they feel comfortable that everything is fine. After that, I can go back to yearly mammograms. Even though mammograms are uncomfortable, I do not mind at all. After two weeks of having to do a second mammogram and biopsy on both breasts, my thoughts were racing.
What do I do if I have breast cancer?
Will I beat it?
What if I can’t?
If something happened to me, my teens are not self-sufficient yet. Even though I have now taken a step back and are allowing them to be in charge of their own decisions, they still come to me for help and advice. Who could they go to if something were to happen to me? I also thought of my sister. We already lost my younger sister, and then to lose me, she would have a hard time. Additionally, I wouldn’t see my grandson grow up.
Even though I was having a lot of these thoughts, I made an effort to push them away when they started getting too big. Every time I started spiraling down a hole, I would tell myself, “Shevonne, stop, and do something else.” It helped me to remain pretty calm for the two weeks that I waited to know if I had breast cancer or not. I do think that it has something to do with the Elimination diet and vitamin regimen that I am on because I feel more at peace.
The possibility of breast cancer also made me appreciate life. I will be honest with you. This pandemic had made my mental health get worse. 2019 had been a tough year, and I was excited about the start of a new year. When 2020 went haywire, I got really depressed. I was hoping to start going on solo adventures and start venturing out the way I used to. 2020 said no to that.
When my grandson was born, I had put in to take off two weeks. However, I was only able to take off three days. Sleep deprivation made my feelings of sadness get even worse. Add on top of that, a demanding job that I couldn’t take a day off from. I just felt horrible and sad. It got to the point that I didn’t find any satisfaction in anything anymore.
After this event, I have new lenses. Life has found the meaning that I had lost. I am grateful to be alive and healthy.
I am blessed to have a beautiful home where I can be with my children and dogs.
I have a job with a good company with great benefits and perks.
Having a good grasp on my finances makes it possible for me to not worry about money as I used to when I was younger.
I’m almost done with the MBA program, and I can focus on my side hustles that I am super passionate about
I have supportive family and friends.
I have realized that I have a lot, and I am immensely grateful.
I have also realized that I am not going to push my vacation back any longer, and I am taking two long weeks to rest and focus on me.
Life is hard, and I have had to fight hard for what I have. However, I am still alive and can still change things around.